The big decision facing me at the moment is whether I stay in London or move out. I'm reluctant to move out because this is where I have made my life and where almost all my friends are. And I'm really reluctant to have to move simply because of my state of health, as though that were the governing force in my life (which, to be fair, it is). Plus, I've never lived in the countryside and have no idea whether I'd be able to cope with it!
It feels as though, if I move out to the countryside, this might help me to recover, but this is an unknown factor and therefore a risk. While I'm happy to take risks under 'normal circumstances', in my current, weakened condition, it feels as though, if the risk doesn't pay off, it might become overwhelming and I would not be able to sort out the situation as I would be able to were I in good health.
Much of the time, and especially when the noise and pollution in London are getting to me, I feel as thought it would be wonderful to live somewhere more quiet and peaceful. However, I have to be realistic and accept that this is an idealisation of what it might be like to live in the countryside. It's difficult to know what it would really be like to live in the country, it's also impossible to know whether it would help improve my health, and it's possible that if I moved outside I would be unable to move back in to London until I was well enough to work full-time and support myself, which could be years away.
A real quandary. I'm bound to post a lot more on this over the coming weeks as I try to come to a decision.
