I had another interesting and challenging session with the occupational therapist yesterday. Reviewing the daily activity diaries I’ve been keeping for her, we see that I’m definitely making progress. I’ve been able to do what seems to me, considering how my life has been over the past few years, a staggering amount of things: work-type/mental, outdoor/physical, social, trips, etc. I am definitely feeling more in control of my daily life and my condition now than I was 3 months ago. One area I have not yet nailed is that of getting sufficient rest and, specifically, relaxation throughout the day in order to ‘top up my batteries’. I tend to get engrossed in one task and carry on doing it for longer than I ideally would; I have got better at that over the past few weeks, but what I then tend to do is, rather than getting some rest to help me cope with the activity I’ve just been doing, I fritter away time and, more importantly, energy, either playing on the computer (writing emails, surfing the internet, chatting on a message board, etc.) or just watching TV or reading – displacement activities to quell what I think is an underlying sense of boredom and restlessness. The real value of regular rest and relaxation – that it helps to sustain levels of better health, which allows me to continue doing those things I enjoy doing – is finally starting to sink in, I think, and this should help me to prioritise rest rather than seeing it as something which I’ll do if I don’t have anything else to do.

I am definitely getting a lot more tired at the moment. This has been happening over several weeks, so I think I can discount it just being a little blip. Have been having lots of trouble sleeping again (always a symptom), am having to rest a fair bit during the day (just came from an attempted nap) and find my mind dulled and concentration low all the time. I'll need to find ways to make sure I minimise this. Not very good at relapse prevention, in spite of the various forms of treatment I’ve had over the years. At the moment I'm finding it difficult to think of things to write in this blog; for example I planned to write some material on my experiences with nutritional regimes, but simply can’t get my head around what to write.

Have started having bad trouble sleeping again – taking 4 or more hours to get to sleep; not sleeping deeply; waking during the night; strange and disturbing dreams – and, as there are huge building works going on across the road which wake me up at 8am, I decided enough was enough and got another prescription for zopiclone. I've tried various sleeping draughts (I love that phrase) over the past year, and this is the best one at knocking me out cold for a few hours without lingering drowsiness the next day. I took one about 8 last night – I'd forgotten how fast-acting these ones are, and within half an hour was crashing about the flat, and really struggled to stay awake during the film I was watching. Went to bed at 10.30, got straight to sleep, slept right through and woke up at 8.15 this morning. While these pills are not a long-term solution, taken just when necessary they really can help. I was starting to feel dragged down by lack of sleep, but feel more hopeful now, and more in control of my rest. This is a Good Thing.

On Tuesday I had the first session with a physiotherapist at the hospital. I say first, what I mean is the first since I was re-referred at the beginning of this year. I saw the same physio about 4 years ago. Then, she helped me with pacing my activities, and with providing me with some stretches I could use to prevent my body from becoming too deconditioned. Now, I have asked her to help me particularly with working out a programme to start to recondition my body, as I am feeling able enough to be far more active than I have in the past. (I have also asked for help planning a gentler programme of stretches etc in case I do relapse again in the future.)

Had a follow-up meeting with my consultant yesterday. I only ever see him once after I've been referred and once after the treatment programmes have finished. This time, because of waiting lists, I've only just started the treatments, but am starting to see changes.

When we had our last meeting, after I'd been re-referred, it was an enormous struggle to get to the hospital, and I had to use a walking stick. I was feeling in a bad way health-wise, and also that I was a bit 'lost', not making progress. Yesterday, I was able to breeze in, and even climb the two flights of stairs to his office rather than use the special ground-floor meeting room. He asked how  I was, and I was able to report ‘very well’, and that there are no problems at the moment. We talked briefly about the possibilities of transferring my treatment to a hospital/health centre near the town I’m moving to when that happens, and the meeting was over after ten minutes. I was happy about the brevity of it, whereas on previous occasions I’ve sometimes felt rather pushed out/discarded when this happened. This shows how well and how positive I’m feeling at the moment.

Morning all.