I have continued to feel pretty well overall, and to enjoy life in my new home, but my sleep has continued to be fairly abysmal since about two months ago. Much of the time I would spend 4 to 6 hours trying to get to sleep, even after trying various relaxation techniques; more recently I will get off to sleep in perhaps an hour or two, but then wake several hours before I wanted to, in spite of the sleep medication I’m currently taking. For example, last night I settled at about 11, after taking a temazepam and reading for a while, and drifted off by about 12.30. But I then woke at 4.30 and couldn’t get back to sleep. (I did eventually get an hour or so’s dozing from about 8–9.)

I have identified a state of being in which I currently seem to be stuck: my body and mind seem to be on constant alert. I’d call it ‘physiological anxiety’; physiological because as far as I can ascertain (and I’ve wracked my brains) there is nothing about which I am anxious; it’s just that my body’s in the state it gets in when one is anxious about something. I’ve felt symptoms like those of panic attacks (dizzyness, nausea, shortness of breath, pounding heart) but I find that they come even when I’m at rest, and I even find that I wake up in that state (which isn’t pleasant).

I went to the doctor again yesterday, but saw a locum as my GP was away. He was sympathetic and understanding but advised me to wait and see. Unfortunately it has got to the stage where it is affecting my quite badly in other areas: my concentration is right down, and I’ve noticed sexual dysfunction (difficulty maintaining an erection or reaching orgasm). This is somewhat ironic as I’ve just started a new sexual relationship in the past couple of weeks, which is wonderful in all other ways, and while this isn’t a problem as such (she’s being very understanding), it is annoying.