The past few weeks have been extraordinary. I have been more active than for several years, and I have also been travelling more than I have done for a long time. The main reason for this is that I have taken a lover, which has been just wonderful. Always a good boost to a flagging spirit, but we have developed a real rapport as well, and it’s been really good to have someone I can talk to about just about anything. It’s the first time I’ve been in a sexual relationship for 3 years, and I have found difficulty maintaining erection and orgasm, but I’m working with my GP to see if we can discover what the cause of that is. It does seem to link closely with my sleep – when I am rested and relaxed things are much better than when I’ve not been sleeping and am therefore tense. Symptoms of CFS seem to relate to this too: when my system is in the state I described previously as ‘physiological anxiety’ it is difficult to become physiologically aroused. Anyway, this is all fascinating stuff, but I don’t want to frighten my more sensitive readers, so I’ll leave it there.
My lover lives in another part of the country – we met when we were both visiting London a few months ago – so I’ve been travelling up there a few times, visiting other friends too, sometimes – and she’s been down here too. Some visits have been a week or more, yet it’s never felt too long, and we seem to find each other’s company very easy. So we’re both enjoying it as much as possible while it lasts.
Another thing which has given me an enormous amount of pleasure – and, I think, contributed to my general sense of well-being at the moment – has been my garden. This has flourished in recent weeks, and I now have a lovely herb garden with ten or more types of edible herb in it, some lovely lettuce, and tomtatoes on the way. I have a few non-edible plants too, but am far more interested in ones which I can use. This week I made a salad with lettuce, loveage, sage, parsley, thyme, marjoram and coriander. A bit over-the-top, taste-wise, but it was lovely to eat something which I had cultivated – the first ever time for me, if you don’t count mustard and cress seeds on the windowsill when I was a child – and which had food miles totalling less than ten feet.
Off up north again tomorrow for ten days, should be utterly blissful.
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